After a tense disagreement with my fiancé, I turned to the internet community for support, struggling with our five-year relationship.
Our heated argument about money made me doubt the dynamics of our partnership.
I opened up about my experience in a heartfelt post on the “Am I The A*e” thread on Reddit.
After five years together, I, a 32-year-old woman, got engaged to my 35-year-old partner. Following the proposal, we chose May 2025 as our wedding date.
Sadly, my grandma passed away not long after our engagement.
My grandparents were very successful and held well-paying positions for most of their lives. Naturally, I received a “hugely generous” amount of money as an inheritance. But this was the start of the problems.
My fiancé was ecstatic when I told him the news, far more so than I had anticipated. I accepted it and ignored it until later in the day when I overheard him telling his friends, “I can use that money to pay off my credit card, buddy! At last, we can take the boys’ vacation we’ve been arranging, ay?” and laughed.
I walked into the room and asked, “What money?” He gave me a strange look right away before saying, “From your nan, babe.”
I immediately exploded on him, telling him he would not be spending the money for a lads’ vacation and that I would not authorize him to pay for anything.
“It’s written to me from MY nanna, it’s not for you,” I told my fiancé. “It’s not your money to have.”
I became furious and fled the room when this finally broke out into a shouting confrontation. After finishing his game, my fiancé confronted me outside the kitchen, telling me, “We are getting married, you will become my financial burden. I own all of the money you earn. You were really self-centered to make me look foolish in front of my friends and to give them the impression that I was on vacation.”
I went to stay at my friend’s house after silently leaving the house. In closing, I inquired as to whether I was acting like an a*e.
The internet community showered me with sympathy and support after I shared my message.
“All right, so he’s shown you that he views you as a burden and that he intends to give his ‘boys’ money that isn’t really his.” He’s yelling at you because you’re not going along with his plans. One commenter wrote, “You’re nuts if you actually marry him.”
Another added, “You really want to marry this guy? There are two issues: 1. He believed he had a right to the money. 2. He believed he could use money for a non-you discretionary purchase. PT2 is the more significant issue.”
One commenter said, “Stop the wedding. Never marry this man. Wow, to start with, he has credit card debt that he has never paid off? Overspending is a HABIT for him. What’s yours is his, and what’s his is his, secondly? No, honey, I’m sorry. Thirdly, the fury? Claim to entitlement and DARVO—implying that you would be ‘the burden’ in their partnership? This dude demonstrates every hallmark of a narcissist.”
They went on: “The wisdom of this guy’s true nature lies beneath the money, which was your grandparents’ final gift to you. Lackluster, violent, conceited, and parasitic. Run.”
What do you think about this story? Is it right for my fiancé to want a separation while pressuring me to move across the country for him? If you were in my shoes, how would you respond? Would you support his decision or disagree?
