A young couple thought everything in their relationship was going great—until a surprising discovery shook things up. They found out they were making very different salaries while working at the same company.
That difference led to some serious drama—especially after the woman got engaged and then decided she wanted to quit her job. When people on social media found out, they didn’t hold back. They started calling her a gold-digger, but her fiancé insisted, “That’s not true at all.”
So the man, a 30-year-old who works as a researcher at a big tech company, turned to Reddit’s AITAH (Am I The A–hole?) community for advice. He said he was feeling confused, hurt, and even a little guilty. He explained that he met his now-fiancée about two and a half years ago at their workplace during a work event.
“I was smitten the moment I saw her,” he wrote.
She was 26 then, working in marketing, and he quickly asked her out. They clicked instantly. What really drew him to her wasn’t just her looks—it was her organization skills. “She’s amazing at planning. She runs marketing events, and she’s really good at it,” he said proudly.
But even though she was great at her job, it came with long hours, constant phone calls, and a lot of running around. Meanwhile, he had a comfortable desk job with regular hours. She’d often tease him:
“You’ve got it easy while I’m out driving from meeting to meeting all day.”
He admitted something else, too: He’s neurodivergent and lives with ADD, which makes simple things hard sometimes. “She helps me so much with staying organized. She’s patient, she gets me. I genuinely feel like she makes my life better.”
Eventually, she moved in with him, and that’s when they had their first real talk about money. She knew he was doing well, but she was shocked when she found out just how well.
He was making 15 times more than her.
He was also generous. He offered to pay for everything since she had paused her student loans and was trying to save. He told her not to worry. Still, she wanted to contribute something, so they came up with a fair plan: they’d split expenses proportionally to their income.
It worked. She felt proud, independent, and respected.
Then a month before he wrote the Reddit post, he proposed—and she said yes. Although she’d never asked for expensive gifts before, she told him she really wanted a diamond ring that cost around $15,000.
That made him hesitate. “It felt weird spending that much,” he wrote. But she convinced him.
“I’ll be wearing it for the rest of my life,” she told him.
But after she got the ring, something started to bother him. Every time she showed it off, she tried to sneak the price into the conversation.
He asked her repeatedly, “Can you please stop bringing up how much it cost?”
But she kept doing it.
Then, the night before he wrote his post, his fiancée sat him down on the couch and said she wanted to talk.
“I’m quitting my job next month,” she told him.
He was stunned. “What? Why?” he asked.
She said she wanted to focus on planning their wedding, which was set for the summer.
He asked her why she needed to quit just to plan the wedding. She shrugged and said she was tired of working long hours and wanted to be a stay-at-home fiancée.
He actually laughed at that and said, “That’s not even a real thing.” He also reminded her that she still had student loans to pay.
But she didn’t seem worried. “You make more in a month than I do in a year. We’re a team now,” she said.
When he asked her what her plans were after the wedding, she admitted she didn’t really have any yet.
So he suggested something else: “Take a short break, recharge—but I really don’t feel good about you leaving your career so early.”
He explained that he wanted her to stay independent, not because of money, but just in case anything ever happened to him.
That led to a huge fight.
She was hurt. “Why are you being mean? We can afford for me to stay home. Why do I have to keep working?”
He admitted: “Losing her income wouldn’t hurt us financially—but something about this just didn’t sit right with me.”
So he turned to Reddit and asked, “Is being a stay-at-home fiancée even a thing?”
The internet exploded with opinions. Some were harsh.
One Redditor said:
“Did someone say gold digger? She’s going to milk you for everything. The ring, the loans, next it’ll be a luxury car, then a house. She wants the lifestyle without contributing. You two are financially incompatible.”
But a few days later, OP came back with an update.
After thinking it through, he decided to talk to her again—calmly this time. He ordered dinner and tried to have a gentle conversation.
“I just wanted to understand where she was coming from,” he said.
At first, she was defensive, but eventually, she opened up. She said her job made her feel useless.
“I work so hard, and yet I barely bring in enough to feel like I’m contributing,” she told him.
He reminded her that it wasn’t just about money. “You worked so hard to get here. You’re talented, and your job matters.”
He also brought up something serious—what if he lost his job? What if he got laid off? His high salary made him a target. They didn’t have enough saved to support both of them if something bad happened.
That’s when she started to tear up. She admitted she was feeling overwhelmed.
“There’s so much to do for the wedding, and you’re terrible at organizing,” she said with a small laugh.
She told him she felt burnt out, like a “work mule with nothing to show for it.”
She wanted to plan their wedding from a place of joy—not stress. She promised him:
“I’m not trying to be a trophy wife. After the wedding and honeymoon, I’ll start looking for a new job. I want a role with more stable hours. Or maybe I’ll even go back to school for my Master’s.”
That gave him some comfort. He said her compromise was fair, and he supported her decision to quit for now. He admitted he understood why people online thought she was a gold-digger.
“I grew up poor. I don’t like to flash money around,” he said. “Maybe she’s fallen into that version of me I’ve tried to leave behind. But if I’m going to marry her, I need to trust myself—and her.”
Still, not everyone was convinced.
One Redditor commented:
“Yeah, the ring was a huge red flag. The moment she saw your salary, her eyes turned into dollar signs.”
Another warned:
“Get a prenup. She’s never going back to work.”
Others were blunt:
“Her plan is to quit, let you pay for everything, and focus all her energy on one day. What’s her plan after the wedding? Just… exist?”
Some questioned why OP’s parents were even involved:
“You lost credibility when you said your parents insist you get married this year. You’re not a kid.”
One person had this brutal suggestion:
“Hire a wedding planner. Who quits their job to plan a wedding? She doesn’t want to work. Get a prenup and you handle birth control.”
And finally, a Redditor wrapped it up with this advice:
“If you’re happy, fine. But don’t be naive. Get a prenup. Hope for the best—but prepare for the worst.”
