The Best Divorce Letter Ever
Dear Wife,
I’m writing this letter to let you know that I’m leaving you for good. After seven years of being a good husband, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been a nightmare. Just today, your boss called to tell me you quit your job, and that was the final straw for me.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new haircut. I cooked your favorite meal and even put on a brand new pair of silk boxers.
But you barely looked at me! You ate your dinner in two minutes and then went straight to sleep after watching all your soap operas. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, and you don’t want to be intimate or do anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating on me, or you just don’t love me anymore. Whatever the reason, I’m done.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. I’m moving away to West Virginia with your sister! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day brighter than receiving your letter! It’s true that we’ve been married for seven years, but calling yourself a good man is quite a stretch. I watch my soap operas so much because they help drown out your constant whining and complaining. Too bad that doesn’t work!
I did notice your new haircut last week, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was, “You look just like a girl!” My mother always taught me that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, so I kept my mouth shut.
And about that “favorite meal” you cooked? You must have mixed me up with my sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago!
Now, let’s talk about those new silk boxers. I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still attached! I hoped it was just a coincidence that my sister borrowed $50 from me that morning.
Despite all of this, I still loved you and thought we could work things out. Then, something amazing happened: I won the lottery for 10 million dollars! I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica, dreaming of a fresh start together. But when I got home, you were gone.
I guess everything happens for a reason. I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer told me that your letter means you won’t get a dime from me, so take care of yourself!
This story is a wild ride of emotions, isn’t it? It’s surprising how quickly things can change between two people who once loved each other. What do you think about their relationship?
Do you think they could have worked things out, or was it really time for them to part ways? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
